It’s been a while. I’ve been trying to collate my thoughts into some kind of cohesive manor that would make for an interesting read but everything is everywhere. I’m working on myself at the moment, a lot; not for any other reason that to just be a better version of me. I want to be the person I thought I always would be when I said “When I grow up…” but now, I’m kind of grown up and I’m not where I thought I would be.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly content right now… probably more than I ever have been. I understand the world a lot more than I did, say a year ago? I understand what’s important and what isn’t but really I just understand myself a lot more.
Been a hell of a year – last year I was newly graduated, full of life, living at home but ready to move to London for a design job focused around interiors or graphics, I was less than a month away from going to Dubai (absolutely fantastic place, 100% recommend to anybody needing some clarity, architectural wet dreams and a tan), preparing to buy a house with a man I honestly believed was going to be my lover for the rest of my years and very blonde.
This year I’m just another tax payer, not living in London, still living at home, a month away from working 50 hours over the week that two friends go to Dubai, this morning I woke up with my natural hair colour and purple tips (my natural colour is basically black) and that man? Well he’s most likely preparing to buy a house with a girl who’s probably the one he should actually spend the rest of his life with.
Maybe I sound like I’m in a worse off place but in all honesty, I’m sat here right now with the biggest smirk on my face. Being a designer in London isn’t happening for me right now, but I love the job I have. They have such faith in my ability and my potential – they spend time and money training and investing in me and whilst it does wear me out sometimes I can honestly say that I love my job. I’m learning that, that is something quite rare for people to say. I’m going to sleep tonight with a very gorgeous honey blonde colour with the intention of being a very gorgeous ash blonde colour before Christmas (if I’m lucky and so far, I’m feeling very lucky), my friends will be in Dubai but in comparison I’m off to Barcelona in two weeks, courtesy of my employer (by default, I’ll write something more about that when I go) and well if you payed attention above – I do love a good bit of architecture.
When I started this blog, I was… well I could have been in better places – I walked away from somebody and I wasn’t sure if it was the right decision but do you know what? If you do make a decision, it usually is the right one in the end. We live different lives now and whilst you might think it’s sad – it’s really not. We’re both better off for it. He may have been the yogurt to my curry, but yogurt is still yogurt and curry is still curry isn’t it. That alone, is enough content for me to know what I did was the best possible decision I could have made.
I’m sure I’ll probably devote a whole different post to the curry to my curry, but for now it’s so right that it shouldn’t be just a paragraph floating around here somewhere. I will say this though; when you know, you know.
It has honestly been the most changing time of my life, almost everything is different – I still live at home and the girls I rely on are the same (and for the record my friends > your friends, honestly it’s true!) but a lot is different and the two things I’ve learnt is that:
– if you don’t love yourself you are going to find it a tiny bit difficult to ever be truly happy, think about it.
– sometimes you just need to give time some time. Sometimes, it’s the only thing you can do and when you don’t have time – find it. It is there if you look hard enough.
It literally feels so liberating to get some words down and even though it’s a short reflection of the last year, a concise overview of where I’m at is exactly what I needed. I’m ever so tired and I’m working a cheeky 10 hour shift tomorrow so for now I’m over & out.
Night Y’all Xx