“When you’re in a whirlpool, let go… there’s somewhere you need to go first before you get to the place where you want to go” – J. Kingsford
Sometimes… just sometimes trusting the process is the best bloody thing you can do. Don’t ever do or don’t do something because you think you should or shouldn’t do it.
We all have a plan don’t we? We all have an idea of what direction we want our lives to go in, don’t we? We all know what we want to be when we grow up, don’t we? Don’t we? I used to think that if I wasn’t following that “specific plan” then I had failed at life, failed at fulfilling my dreams and generally failed at being a decent person. I felt as though I had let myself down but honestly failure is just a bit of a callous word we all throw around a bit too easily.
There are hundreds of quotes, stories and poems about only failing at something if you stop trying; there a reason they all exist – pretty much because the essence of that principle is true. Failure just means you’ve given up. It means that you let the challenges, the trials of life and the changes of plan beat you down. It means that you’re not doing anything other than existing; you’re not bringing anything to the table – life is all about what you bring to the table.
When a plan doesn’t… well… when it doesn’t go to plan – we are then forced to “fail” or change the plan and honestly, changing the plan is okay. I’m kind of learning that its not always right to be right, in fact I’m starting to believe that its wrong to always be right. I have always had a plan – I have always known exactly what is going to happen in my life and exactly when it is going to happen. Except, I didn’t really – did I? How could I possibly know? The future is inevitable, it is going to happen – it is at some point, going to become the present and then eventually the past. However, that being said we literally have no definitive way of knowing what it might be, what might happen or who it might happen with.
This year, 2015, has undoubtedly been a whirlpool for me. I’ve been really close to hell – waiting at the fiery pits for the flames to swallow me whole. I’ve crawled on my hand and knees all the way back to a weird sense of bliss. One of the biggest journeys of my whole entire life and its only the middle of March. If somebody would have told me that the things that have happened, were going to happen I would have been dumbfounded. Each and everything aspect of this year has taken me by total surprise but you know what? I actually wouldn’t change a single thing about it. Honestly. If you knew everything that this year had thrown at me (which you couldn’t possibly because my cards are seriously close to my chest) you might be surprised by that statement but I have come to accept that sometimes things just are.
If I was to be forever resentful of the cards that I had been dealt, I would only end up with a bitter soul. When there are so many beautiful things around me, it seems such a waste to have such a hateful perspective on the world.
Let me elaborate a little bit; this morning I used one of those lush bath bombs that has the rose petals in it. The bath bomb its self is in the shape of a heart and its all very romantic, except it was my aunt who bought it for me and the only other living thing in the room with me at the time of my bath was my baby panther – not that romantic if I’m being honest. So, naturally the bomb fizzed out pretty quick (as these things do – intrept that as you wish) and I was left with some slightly grey rose buds floating around in my bath water with me.
They were nice, not particularly pretty but I suppose they were generally quite pleasant. Although, really I sort of felt a bit cheated because I know how beautiful roses can be, how vibrant their hues can be and how captivating fresh flowers in spring can be but these buds were just a bit pretty – probably mostly because of what they would become rather than what they are.
I noticed that all of the buds were closed, sealed up and picked before they had bloomed so I picked one up out of the water and started to peal it apart, squeezing it together to force it “bloom” if you will. I was literally shocked by what was underneath – the most beautiful and vibrant pink petals began to show and eventually all that grey and murky hues was just a distant memory. I almost felt guilty for thinking that these buds were ugly. This really put things into perspective for me; even if you think something is ugly, unappealing and bland chances are there is some hidden beauty deep inside if you care to look hard enough.
The year I’ve already had, has really shown that to me. There are things I’ve done and seen that I would never wish on anybody but in the same breath, everything is actually okay in the end; the company that you keep, the support network you fall back on, the self worth you hold onto really makes the difference between failure and a change of plan.
And a change of plan is okay. Sometimes, by actually trusting the movement of the whirlpool you’ll find the place you end up in is actually better for you than the place you were heading for anyway.